Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think I just shit out all my problems.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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