I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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