Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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