and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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