at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
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I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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