my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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