All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
