I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
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Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
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I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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