Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
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Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
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Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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