i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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