the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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