Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
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I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I love you.
Bad choice
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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