I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
