it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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