I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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