it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
