You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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