NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
