please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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