Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
