I'm jealous of your bromance
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
