3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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