I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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