I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
