my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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