youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize