Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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