If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
