I wanna bring you to show and tell
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
