About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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