Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
