Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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