That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
