She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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