my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize