I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
