yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
