He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
