Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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