she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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