I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
