aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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