I hate all girls vehemently.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
