You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
