When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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