do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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