I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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