I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
