next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
