Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
