Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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