She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
