Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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