I got chris browned last night
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
