this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
