I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
