WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
