so that wasnt chicken after all
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
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forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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