my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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