I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
