Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
