Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You did what with his pubic hair?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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