Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
