Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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