drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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