life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
